We’re Doing It Wrong.

Being a woman is not a competition. Why do we keep forgetting this and instead keep cat fighting, backstabbing and judging as if we were in these reality shows? Wait, I remember the reason. We were brought up this way; always thinking we have to prove ourselves to the world and reflect “perfection”.

But we’ve grown up, we’ve seen the world-maybe not a lot of it but probably enough to  understand- we don’t have to be perfect and we should stop expecting others to be. People make choices and mistakes. Maybe somebody’s choices and mistakes are completely different from yours but in no way does that make any of you better than the other if you keep criticizing each other. Being a good woman is not about being tall, thin, intelligent, beautiful, clean and quiet, wearing the highest heels , wearing decent yet sexy clothes, having perfect hair, cooking perfect meals, knowing all about laundry and chores, wearing make-up, having a clean job- and one that does not involve politics, science or engineering, getting married, being a good mother, etc… How many women that you know actually fit all these requirements anyway? Women are individuals, they are more than female. Our gender is only part of who we are; it does not define us as people. We, women, are always claiming that we want to break free from society’s definition of a woman. Yet, the first to criticize a woman if she doesn’t fit the “norm” are women themselves.

Stop Judging!

We are the first to lash at somebody about their size, crooked teeth, acne, big nose, weird haircut and so on. And most of the time we are intending to hurt the person with our words. What gives us the right to say these things? None of us are perfect and we will never be, then why?  Criticizing somebody on their physique is the lowest form of insult ever. It is really cheap to feel good about pointing out their insecurities to people. Physical beauty can be altered. Then it fades; you’re never pretty forever. But a judgmental asshole? This can stick to you to the grave.

As Jennifer Aniston once well said, “It’s impossible to satisfy everyone and I suggest we stop trying.” If this can apply to you then it can apply to your neighbour, to your classmate, to your co-worker and to that stranger you saw on the road. They don’t live to satisfy your standards of perfection so stop judging them like some small-minded celebrity news journalist!

Now to something else, I must admit I’ve always thought that it was men that rendered rape victims responsible for the act because of their “provocative” clothes and/or the level of alcohol in their blood. Apparently, and sadly, I was wrong: women think that too. How can anyone in their right mind dismiss rape as a normal consequence of getting drunk in a mini skirt? No woman “shares responsibility” for her rape. I’ve seen a lot of girls walking around in “provocative” apparel and yet they’ve never been raped and I never thought to myself when they came into view “OMG in such a dress…surely she must want to be raped!” That’s probably because they don’t. When they put on this dress they did not intend to attract rapists. They probably thought that in a free country with smart enough men they would not be taken for sexual objects or preys whatever their clothes. Because it’s true, in a free country, a woman should have the right to dress however she wants with whatever intention without having to fear physical assault.

Recently, Serena Williams have made quite insensitive remarks about the rape of the 16 year old girl by high school footballers. (Yes it’s the Steubenville case I’m referring to.)  What did the world renowned tennis player have to say? That:

“Do you think it was fair, what they got? They did something stupid, but I don’t know. I’m not blaming the girl, but if you’re a 16-year-old and you’re drunk like that, your parents should teach you: Don’t take drinks from other people. She’s 16, why was she that drunk where she doesn’t remember? It could have been much worse. She’s lucky. Obviously, I don’t know, maybe she wasn’t a virgin, but she shouldn’t have put herself in that position, unless they slipped her something, then that’s different.”

So the girl was lucky she was raped? Wow.

And so what if she was drunk? How does that justify her rape exactly? So getting raped is the logical step after getting drunk? Well if that was true everybody would be getting raped at parties and in clubs. The girl’s level of drunkenness cannot and should not in the mind of anybody justify how these boys behaved like animals. Yes, animals. Because not being able to resist sexual temptation to the point of satisfying your “urge” without waiting for consent is expected from animals not humans. Men are humans, when facing temptation they also face a number of choices: ignore the source of temptation, walk away if you really can’t stand it or  yield in disregarding your education and the respect you are to show your fellow humans; yield in like an animal because you’re that weak. Most men are totally able to control themselves, that’s why they’re not all rapists. Therefore stop blaming the rape victim for the abominable actions of the weakest and semi-animal males. Your argument is invalid and illogical. You’re clearly doing it wrong.

It’s time society’s way of educating kids goes from “Don’t get raped!” to “Don’t rape!” Because I’m sure we’re all getting tired of this, no?

Alexandra