We are the change

My friend Ana is new on WordPress- yes even more “new” than me ^^
And she wrote this really nice article about something that is going way too wrong in Mauritius and, undoubtedly, throughout the world too. And since I share her views on the matter, I’m sharing her thoughts with you:

Red Scripts

Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world right in the eye. – Helen Keller

From the first days of our socialization into this wide, wide world, we have been taught things that were supposed to make us grow up into better individuals. We were introduced to the notion of politeness and were sanctioned if we were rude. Respect and integrity were displayed everywhere, in movies and newspapers, as virtues that anyone should have if we wanted to be honest and responsible citizens of this ‘perfect’ world. We were shaped to fit. And those who didn’t went straight to the societal trash.

But, as a child, I did not understand any of that, because I was still learning the notion of right and wrong. However, some less glorious qualities still  confused me. I did not understand the word ‘jealousy’. I did not know that I had to…

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We’re Doing It Wrong.

Being a woman is not a competition. Why do we keep forgetting this and instead keep cat fighting, backstabbing and judging as if we were in these reality shows? Wait, I remember the reason. We were brought up this way; always thinking we have to prove ourselves to the world and reflect “perfection”.

But we’ve grown up, we’ve seen the world-maybe not a lot of it but probably enough to  understand- we don’t have to be perfect and we should stop expecting others to be. People make choices and mistakes. Maybe somebody’s choices and mistakes are completely different from yours but in no way does that make any of you better than the other if you keep criticizing each other. Being a good woman is not about being tall, thin, intelligent, beautiful, clean and quiet, wearing the highest heels , wearing decent yet sexy clothes, having perfect hair, cooking perfect meals, knowing all about laundry and chores, wearing make-up, having a clean job- and one that does not involve politics, science or engineering, getting married, being a good mother, etc… How many women that you know actually fit all these requirements anyway? Women are individuals, they are more than female. Our gender is only part of who we are; it does not define us as people. We, women, are always claiming that we want to break free from society’s definition of a woman. Yet, the first to criticize a woman if she doesn’t fit the “norm” are women themselves.

Stop Judging!

We are the first to lash at somebody about their size, crooked teeth, acne, big nose, weird haircut and so on. And most of the time we are intending to hurt the person with our words. What gives us the right to say these things? None of us are perfect and we will never be, then why?  Criticizing somebody on their physique is the lowest form of insult ever. It is really cheap to feel good about pointing out their insecurities to people. Physical beauty can be altered. Then it fades; you’re never pretty forever. But a judgmental asshole? This can stick to you to the grave.

As Jennifer Aniston once well said, “It’s impossible to satisfy everyone and I suggest we stop trying.” If this can apply to you then it can apply to your neighbour, to your classmate, to your co-worker and to that stranger you saw on the road. They don’t live to satisfy your standards of perfection so stop judging them like some small-minded celebrity news journalist!

Now to something else, I must admit I’ve always thought that it was men that rendered rape victims responsible for the act because of their “provocative” clothes and/or the level of alcohol in their blood. Apparently, and sadly, I was wrong: women think that too. How can anyone in their right mind dismiss rape as a normal consequence of getting drunk in a mini skirt? No woman “shares responsibility” for her rape. I’ve seen a lot of girls walking around in “provocative” apparel and yet they’ve never been raped and I never thought to myself when they came into view “OMG in such a dress…surely she must want to be raped!” That’s probably because they don’t. When they put on this dress they did not intend to attract rapists. They probably thought that in a free country with smart enough men they would not be taken for sexual objects or preys whatever their clothes. Because it’s true, in a free country, a woman should have the right to dress however she wants with whatever intention without having to fear physical assault.

Recently, Serena Williams have made quite insensitive remarks about the rape of the 16 year old girl by high school footballers. (Yes it’s the Steubenville case I’m referring to.)  What did the world renowned tennis player have to say? That:

“Do you think it was fair, what they got? They did something stupid, but I don’t know. I’m not blaming the girl, but if you’re a 16-year-old and you’re drunk like that, your parents should teach you: Don’t take drinks from other people. She’s 16, why was she that drunk where she doesn’t remember? It could have been much worse. She’s lucky. Obviously, I don’t know, maybe she wasn’t a virgin, but she shouldn’t have put herself in that position, unless they slipped her something, then that’s different.”

So the girl was lucky she was raped? Wow.

And so what if she was drunk? How does that justify her rape exactly? So getting raped is the logical step after getting drunk? Well if that was true everybody would be getting raped at parties and in clubs. The girl’s level of drunkenness cannot and should not in the mind of anybody justify how these boys behaved like animals. Yes, animals. Because not being able to resist sexual temptation to the point of satisfying your “urge” without waiting for consent is expected from animals not humans. Men are humans, when facing temptation they also face a number of choices: ignore the source of temptation, walk away if you really can’t stand it or  yield in disregarding your education and the respect you are to show your fellow humans; yield in like an animal because you’re that weak. Most men are totally able to control themselves, that’s why they’re not all rapists. Therefore stop blaming the rape victim for the abominable actions of the weakest and semi-animal males. Your argument is invalid and illogical. You’re clearly doing it wrong.

It’s time society’s way of educating kids goes from “Don’t get raped!” to “Don’t rape!” Because I’m sure we’re all getting tired of this, no?

Alexandra

As the fish do, so do we.

Like a fish in the sea,

I’ll be drowning till I die,

I’ll be preyed on till I’m caught,

I’ll swim on till I can’t anymore.

Yep. A fish’s life is no walk in the park and frankly, neither is ours. But I don’t wanna be a fish anymore.

 

~Alexandra

Me Vs. The World: Skinny

Hola people! 🙂

So… What’s with girls’ obsession to be skinny nowadays? When you Google “I want to be” on Google “I want to be skinny” is the first suggestion. Well it’s probably because it’s soon gonna be summer in the northern hemisphere and almost everybody is going to try to make the best of the weeks that are left to look good in a bikini. They’re gonna try to get abs and a nice lil’ ass and lose love handles and stuff. That’s okay I guess.. Being fit is not a crime and it’s not unhealthy either. What is unhealthy is some people’s obsession with being “skinny”. What is “skinny” anyway? Well here is a dictionary meaning:

Skinny.

skin·ny

adj. skin·ni·er, skin·ni·est

1. Very thin.

2. Of, relating to, or resembling skin.

What I understand from this definition and from this obsession is that some girls are ready to starve themselves to look like skin. I’m not joking. It’s all over social media sites. Pictures that are supposed to be motivating and inspiring are literally scaring me. Some of these pictures say: “wish my thighs did not touch” or “I will be skinny one day even if it means starving myself.”

When I look at these pictures it makes me wonder. What kind of society are we living in that people have to make such a fuss about their becoming skinny? Is it an influence from the media or the fashion world or both? Is skinny really prettier compared to ‘not-skinny’? Does it all even really matter?

Okay. I realise that I am making quite a deal about all this. The reason behind this is that I am skinny and I don’t get why people want to be skinny that much. It is not really that much fun. It is no really that practical. I doesn’t give me any particular self-confidence about my body. Actually I don’t even really like being skinny. I’m always trying to gain some weight but it just doesn’t seem to work. You may say that girls are never satisfied with what they have or that I’m just stupid for not appreciating the fact that I have what many other girls are dying for but hey, every body type comes with its own problems and its own advantages.

So let’s set the record right; I am an ectomorph. I have a thin and fragile-looking body; thin arms and legs; little body fat and lean muscle mass and even if well fed I don’t gain weight easily because I have a fast metabolism. Sometimes if I miss dinner I can lose that one kilogram that had taken months to gain. Now, don’t you dare say it’s great and how you wish you could lose weight like that! It’s not fun to me.  I’m nearly eighteen and I still look like a 12 year old. I even still wear clothes from the children’s section. I actually can still wear the same clothes as I did 6 years ago. I don’t, but that’s only because I don’t like them anymore now. I’m so tired of hearing people tell me “It’s easy for you, you are skinny.” You’d think it’s easy to find clothes your size when you’re skinny. Hell no! Here in Mauritius, almost every time I find something cute I want to buy it’s not available in my size. Even on E-bay the things I like are only available in M, L or XL. I get that these sizes are important but so is S and XS, right? No? Apparently not.

I understand that the “curvy” girls have felt left out by society at some point, but is it a reason for another size-wise propaganda? And it’s all over the internet again:

Now, this is not in any way funny. This is just as rude and disrespectful as calling someone fat ‘fat’. And how is that supposed to make me feel anyway? How is that supposed to make me, together will all the other ectomorphs and thin girls, comfortable with our bodies? Are we seriously just some bones? Do you mean that only women with curves are ‘real’ women? Does that mean the rest of us are f*cking imaginary? Well, excuse me but I happen to exist and I believe that all women are real regardless of their body size.

 It’s really time we stop and seriously think before we say something that will hurt someone. Let’s take a minute to realise that, honestly, a whole lot of our assumptions about people are just wrong. Nobody is perfect and everyone has their problems. How people look rarely reflects what is going on in their lives. Whoever said that sh*t about real men liking curves and dogs going for bones has a real problem.This person felt the urge to bring down people so as to feel good about herself. This is not how it works. Sure some people are ‘fat’ but they can’t all help it and I’m sure it’s not that easy for them to lose weight but the same goes for skinny people. I can’t help being skinny. I did not even choose to be skinny. Women should stop bringing down other women to be able to feel good about their bodies. It’s not because you are skinny that you can eat all the junk you want and not get cholesterol or diabetes and it’s not because you are curvy that you are bound to have cardiac problems. Whatever size you are is just perfect as long as you feel good and are healthy. Nothing justifies being that conceited and critical. So here’s to all those haters who have to drag people in the mud to feel good about themselves:

Think about it. Love yourself. Stay healthy. Be happy. Spread the love. You ARE beautiful 🙂

Alexandra

Things You Can Do When Your Parents Say “No!”

It happened again! Your parents said ‘no’ to something you asked. You may be feeling disappointed, furious or even revengeful. Maybe you’re hating on life, on the world or yelling at your siblings for no apparent reason. The thing is, you really wanted that thing and they said ‘no’. Don’t let your hopes down already! Here are some ways to convince your parents or to get the oh! so coveted object anyway.

Your parents probably have pretty good reasons for responding in the negative and in their minds these reasons may be sounding pretty good and reasonable, so the best way to get them to reconsider their decision is to sit down together and have a civilized conversation. Their reasons will likely circle around certain issues. Your health, society’s point of view, the rest of your family’s point of view, money… So here’s the catch; except for the last issue, they all point out to one thing- your parents love you and worry about you. The key is reassuring them. However if you notice that they have quite good points don’t press on too much and instead try to compromise or find alternatives to your project(s) that suit everybody 🙂

Example situations:

• You want to lighten your hair or get yourself highlights.
  The process is not what I’d call “cheap” in a hair saloon and the damage to your hair can be considerable. No wonder your parents said ‘no’. Bear up! There’s an alternative! Lemon juice and sunlight, it’s natural, cheap and the damage from the bleaching process is minimal most of times 🙂
  Here’s the step by step process + some more alternatives 🙂
• You want to get tattooed but you’re still a minor.
  If the size is the problem- try and find a small tattoo design on which both your parents and you agree.
  If the health factor is the problem- well it’s true, the health risks are real but there are ways to protect yourself to the maximum. Go to a reputable tattooing studio that employs only properly trained employees. Ask to see their license. Make sure the tattoo artist has washed his/her hands and is wearing gloves. Ensure that the needles and other equipment come from sealed packages or have been sterilized. What is the most important thing to convince your parents is to show them that you have done some research on the subject. They have to know that you are responsible, that you know what you are doing and that you will know how to take care of the tattoo.You want a piercing.
• Essentially the same thing goes for piercings. Do your research properly an make sure your parents agree with you on the ‘where on your body do you want to get it?‘

However, if money is the problem try asking for that thing you want for Christmas or your Birthday or any other occasion when you usually receive gifts. You might just get lucky 😉

You could still face your parents refusal though, so instead of asking try to raise funds to pay it yourself(that’s what I’m doing for my 3DS).

For your birthday, ask your family members envelopes instead of gifts. You may just receive enough to go ahead with your project. If not, the amount you received can stand as the foundation of your special savings. Save up your pocket money, do odd jobs, sell some stuff you don’t use anymore-make sure you don’t regret it afterwards though! It can take some time to gather the right amount but then maybe the thing will have gotten cheaper!

Yet, it makes no sense to go through all the trouble of the compromise, finding alternatives and raising the money without asking yourself those questions: Do I really want to do this? and Do I really need this? Now?

Make sure it’s really worth your time and money 😉

Good Luck,

Alexandra